Tweetybyron

For some of my multiply friends who sent me personal messages, wondering how I am...Thank you for caring...I'm here and I'm OK.Sometimes things are actually remarkably simple, and you can't even see that because you're so sure it all has to be difficult and complicated. Just because that's all you've seen before, it doesn't mean that's what you're seeing now. I wonder sometimes how many difficulties arise just because you're expecting them.

There are things in my life I find  frustrating right now, so I'm actively trying to change them. I think this scares some people, but most of them are folks who've only known me since after the last time I got really fed up and needed change, which was when I made every plan required to move to NY and had executed them all in the span of about 5 days. Change isn't super frightening to me, I'll always find my footing eventually.

Likewise, if I don't get what I want, I'll find something new to want. Like the Sims on stage which kept me singing most of the time hehehe (Thanks Nisce) please come and join me at simsonstage- attaching the link to it  http://thesimsonstage.ea.com/index.html  my member name is tweetybyron... that's whats keeping me away too from my blogging *ooops* I'll sometimes write for awhile, but I'll always change my mind and delete it eventually.

So, I have to enjoy life... Because Life's far too short not to enjoy it. Even on a rainy, an extremely hot day or cold day ?Boy! everything has totally changed don't you think? No matter what else today holds, it holds some damn fine coffee courtesy of Tweety's kitchen I love my big coffee mug,  It holds at least one big hug hug yummy coffee with my favorite creamer.

I am finally starting to appreciate my job at the pharmacy... though sometimes it breaks my heart to see some of my friends get sick, then get worse =( My prayers goes to Ralph, my favorite customer who was recently diagnosed with bone marrow cancer.Good news is that there are lots of kindhearted people who offered him a bone marrow. I saw him yesterday and it made me happy to see him getting stronger as the days go by. He is a strong man and I know he could survive this tough journey he is going through. He even said "Hey Olivia! In two months I will be on my Harley Davis again riding against the wind!" . Yup! I should be happy, because people I love stop in to see me at work. I am usually at the back where they couldn't see me, going through some of my daily paperworks but they would stop by and ask for me, to have a little chit chat, bringing me gifts & chocolates I love mmmm yum yum!. Even without anything else, those are enough for a balance of generally good to exist. I'm not terribly hard to please.

There're a lot of people out there I care about,specially my family that I love so dearly and if you actually know me and know where this blog is, there's a good chance you're one of them *wink* Look after yourselves, I don't want to lose anymore of you, okay? Have a damn fine day, MY FRIENDS.

My apology for being away for too long. HUgs- TWEETY you can send me e-mails too at obyronp@yahoo.com

I often wonder why it is so hard for people to say "I love you" to one another.  It's not as if those words only come in one size or color.  It's not always the type of love that's about endless passion, marriage and dirty diapers, commitment of two hearts, or anything else that might scare the hell out of people.  The flavors of love are intense and as varied as the heavenly freezer cases at Baskin Robbins.  Like water, love can be shallow or it can be deep.  The beauty of it is that once you allow yourself to say to someone, "You know what?  I love you.", you feel free and just a little bit happier to be alive.

Yet still, love is one funny animal.  Something that always seems to "cock-block" love is fear and I'm still confused about whether or not true love can even conquer that fear.  I mean, *I* think it can but I'm an optimist who probably should apply my rampant cynicism to love just like I do to the rest of my emotional panel but I just can't.  I know some people that have a right to be scared of love in all forms...I've heard their stories and played their records.  But the thing is...love is the most amazing emotion in the universe and to pass on it is a true shame.

I've just been emotionally overwhelmed this last week and have been thinking about how much love I have for people.  When I was thinking about how I could possibly describe it all, I realized that I can't.  I realized that it would be easy to tell some people exactly why I love them and how much they mean to me.  But then, for just an instant, I was gripped by fear at how others would react to the honesty that just comes from within.  It's amazing how much you can learn about someone else in the split second that you realize you may not be so different from them after all.

Love can make your heart hurt with joy but it can also make your heart hurt with confusion and fear.  In either case, I'm just glad that my heart hurts tonight....it means I'm human after all.

Dear Friend,

If knowing is half the battle, what's the other half?
Accepting? Allowing what's dead to die, what's gone to stay gone, what's done to be over?
Communicating? Trying against all odds to draw someone out, to make them listen, to help them and yourself understand what turned it into a battle to begin with?
Fighting? Screaming, throwing, crying, ranting?

Forgiving? Yourself and others, mistakes and pre-meditated hurts, mispoken words and hurtful actions?
It's hard to let go of old hurts, just as hard sometimes as new. Sometimes running and hiding seems like the only thing to do, sometimes re-inventing yourself, sometimes trying to pretend it never happened. Sometimes it takes days to move on, sometimes years. Sometimes you don't want to, no matter how much you know you have to. It's really heartbreaking to see someone cling to something that's not there and may never have been, just because it once felt so right.
I guess you just have to hope that there are fond memories of you amongst the bad ones, the same as you feel for the people you've hurt.

reply lorenzocosio wrote on Apr 23
tweetybyron said
"Nakakatuwa naman ang tagalog blog mo Lorenzo =) magaling ka naman pala sa tagalog *wink* nice entry Lorenzo!"
Lorenzo said
"Hi Tweety! Thanks. Sulat ka din ng Tagalog entry, minsan!"

Magmula pa noong bata ako ay sanay na akong parating nag-iisa. Tatlo kaming magkakapatid, pero hindi naman kami magkakasamang lumaki.
  Naghiwalay ang mga magulang ko noong baby pa ako (ayon sa kwento ha!)  Ang kuya ko ay doon na halos lumaki sa LOLO ko sa parte ng papa ko, ang ate ko naman ay nasa mama at ako ay sa lola ko. Nakakatawa, dahil pag nagkikita kami ay sobrang sabik namin sa isat-isa, yun bang halos di ka na makahinga sa sobrang tuwa!  hmmm minsan lang mangyari yon kaya pag nag hihiwalay na ulit kami ay hindi na naman ako makahinga sa sobrang lungkot.Ilang araw din akong iiyak at maagang natutulog, para ipikit ko nalang ang mga mata ko at isiping magkakasama pa rin kami.

Hindi ako pinalalabas ng lola  sa bahay, sabi niya ay apo daw ako ng kilalang principal sa Quezon at ayaw niyang palaboy laboy ako at madungis sa  kalsada. Niingit man ako sa mga batang naghahabulan sa labas ay wala akong magawa. Kaya  madalas ay mag isa akong nag lalaro o nakikinig ng mga kanta sa radyo. Bata pa lang ako ay mahilig na akong kumanta,sinasabayan ko ang awit sa radyo habang ang aking isip ay lumilipad sa iba't  ibang lugar... nakakaaliw!, lahat ng gusto kong gawin ay nagagawa ko at gusto kong makasama ay nakakasama ko. Kataka taka ang nagagawa ng musika no? minsan ay makikita mo akong ubod ng saya tuwing ang tugtugin ay nakikisaya sa akin. Pag nalulungkot naman ako'y tila nakakaramdam ang radyo at puro naman nakakaiyak ang mga kantang nadidinig ko. Para namang nananadya no Hindi nga lang ako makakanta ng malakas e, kasi maingay daw ako at masakit sa tenga, sabi ng Lola.

Hanggang sa hindi ko na napuna na wala na pala ang kuya at ate ko Sabi ng lola ko,  kinuha na sila ng papa ko na nasa Amerika. Nagbalik ako sa mama ko ngunit parati pa ring napakalungkot, mas lalo na kapag nakikita ko s'yang parating malayo ang iniisip at umiiyak. Naaala na naman niya ang mga kapatid ko, naisip ko.

Panay ang patugtog ni mama ng malungkot na mga kanta, at panay din ang iyak niya "ano ba ito?" ito ang  parte ng buhay ko kung saan isinara ko ang isip ko sa kalungkutan at pilit sumaya. Nandiyan ang pusa kong si "Kitchie" , ang yaya kong si "Nene", ang  T.V.at s'yempre,  ang radyo na naman. Mi nemorya ko  ang mga kanta na pa ulit ulit kong naririnig at pag kabisado ko na ay ubod lakas kong kakantahin.

Nakatira kami noon sa isang condominium sa Albany, Cubao.  Nasa ika limang palapag kami ng gusaling ito at ang bawat palapag ay katumbas ng dalawang palapag, dahil ang ibang unit ay may itaas...kumbaga, parang nasa ika sampung palapag na ang unit namin. May Balkonahe sa likod,  kung saan naglalaba ang labandera namin sa araw...sa gabi naman ay ako ang nasa balkonahe. Ang liwanag at ang gaganda ng mga ilaw na nangagaling sa iba pang gusali at mga bahay sa ibaba, dito ay kitang kita mo ang view ng Maynila at tuwing nandidito ako, kahit pa nag-iisa ay napakasaya ko. Sabay kakanta ako ng ubod ng lakas, malakas na malakas para marinig ni Kuya at Ate ko sa Amerika! Ngunit anong lakas  man ng boses ko ay parang naglalaho sa sobrang  ihip ng hangin. "LEB! ABA! GABI NA  MATULOG KA NA!" Sigaw ni 'yaya nene" Isa pa yun sa dahilan kung bakit hindi ko tuloy marinig ang sarili kong boses e.
"hindi bale na nga! tutal bukas ng gabi...  kakanta ulit ako"

The last time I saw my friend, she hugged me and whispered in my ear " I dunno Olive, even when I'm surrounded by so many people I still feel ALONE."
We joke about death and dying. But it’s hard to accept when it actually strikes. It happened earlier in the year when a close friend lost her husband. He was in his early 30s.Left two young children.  One day, he had a stroke and he was gone. He was In the shower & ...just like that... I asked her then, how she was coping. “I don’t know,” she replied, “I still can’t believe he’s gone.” Now, of course, she feels it and all I can do is wonder how she’s managing since she’s now working fulltime & supporting the 2 children all by herself.
She used to be – always cheerful and smiling – and my thoughts go out to her. I wonder how she’s coping, she is incredibly brave. Eldy? He touched the lives of everyone he worked with. He was way too young.

Eldy, wherever you are, may you rest in peace.

Are you one who is afraid to be lonely? If you are, I am very sure you are not alone.

Loneliness is a state of mind which can sometimes, cripples oneself. I have met many people who are afraid to be lonely. The thought of being by oneself with no one around seems so frightening till some are willing to just do about almost anything to cure this. But what some people do not understand is that loneliness cannot be cured by just being around people.

There is also a distinct difference between being lonely and being alone. You can be in the midst of a huge crowd which means you are not alone, but yet, you can feel lonely. Oh yes, that is very possible. And it is also very possible for you to be just by yourself; which means you are alone, and yet, you don’t feel lonely.
Have you ever attended a big function and be in the company of many and while there are many buzzing activities around you, you felt as though there is no one with you? This usually happens when you don’t have someone to talk to and though there are many people surrounding you, they act as though you are invisible… this can make you feel… lonely. Of course, you are certainly not… alone.
So are you one who has been alone and felt lonely? Or are you a social butterfly and yet still feel lonely? If you have never felt lonely before, that is fantastic. But psychology experts have said that there will be a time where we will need to be alone.

Of course… feeling lonesome is a totally different story altogether…

The best way to clean is wearing bad cat pajamas, your laptop blasting your iTunes on the kitchen counter, your insatiably curious and  fat cat appearing in unexpected places, looking startled, and disappearing in a flash of panic. To make it even better, you want to be cleaning the place that belongs to you. Bonus: a cup of brewed coffee, because I am just so fancy like that.

Anyway...HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYONE! after more than a year of not talking to her mom, my friend finally decided to face her mom and ask for FORGIVENESS last night =) It was such an emotional outburst on both sides that I could not help but cry too *sniff* 
Forgiveness... is all about understanding the importance of it. Sounds good, right ??? It popped into my head,  it does makes sense.
If you are able to move past the denial and the anger you will begin to accept what happened. Realizing that whatever it was that went wrong is reality and no matter how hard you try to “wish” it away it still is. When you are able to accept you stop blaming and start taking back control over your life.
I think [forgiveness] may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed. There is so much of meanness, pride and hatred. There is so great a need for forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all of scripture, both ancient and modern.
Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way.
 
I'm proud of you my friend (*^^*)  Now...you and your mama have a lot of catching up to do *wink*

Goodnight And Go

Imogen Heap

Say goodnight and go.
Woah woah. Woah woah

Skipping beats, blushing cheeks I am struggling
Daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner café
And then i'm left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings
You get me every time

Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Follow you home, you've got your headphones on and you're dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot you taking everything off watch the curtains wide open
Then you fall in the same routine flicking through the TV relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone...

Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

One of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me
We'll have drinks and talk about things, any excuse to stay awake with you
You'll sleep here, i'll sleep there, but then the heating may be down again
at my convenience
we'd be good, we'd be great together.

[Sigh]
Go!

Say goodnight and go,
why's it always always
goodnight and go
Darling not again
Goodnight and go

Someone asked me...Why write? I used to have a very hard to understand response to that question. Some rubbish along the lines of: "because I cannot "  that I am urged...driven.

As the nature of my writing changes, so are my reasons. I suppose the real question I am posing is this: Why blog?...(if you will suspend disbelief long enough to humor the impression that even blogging is publishing)
I mean, if just writing was the thing, I could just write it all down on my journal & bury it in my back yard & pray for for it to rot.
I could lie and tell you I write because I think I have something important to say?
On a good day I might actually believe that lie myself.
Most days though, I am fully aware that I don't know crap about crap. I even keep a secret fear that the hokey pokey really is what its all about.
I can't even say... I write because I believe my thoughts & ideas are unique. In fact, quite the opposite is often true. I write because I am afraid they are.
I write for the nodding head,  for the muttered "uh huh".  I don't care if you agree with me and often prefer if YOU DON'T.
It doesn't matter if you respond with "go you GIRL!", or the ever popular "you rock" or even " you suck". Maybe..."astig" My ego is healthy and not really on the line here.
What  does matter is that something happens.
Your head nods, or shakes sideways in that curious dog sort of way,  you yell to someone in the other room "this girl is nuts!" or laughs softly & mutter  to yourself  "thats some  sira ulo (crazy) right there."
What matters is that I am understood.
What matters is that I am able to take comments...  words we memorized in elementary & slap them into small bunches to create something that is understood  by someone who isn't me.
The power of that will never stop to amaze & amuse me.
So I cant stop doing it.   NOPE!
Words really do have power & that power has magic all its own.
But its deeper than that...  I am totally honest.
If I can slap together words that represent my thoughts, and they are understood, then my thoughts are not  unique. I am part of something else.
Something bigger than myself.
So... even if blogging is what it's all about... at least...  I'm not here... alone.
What is the entire point of this entry?

Since we took that one hour leap, I haven't been able to get to sleep at a normal time, thus I am so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open.

Last night I didn't get to bed until 12, which is late for me. I'm usually in bed shortly after 10. Demmit (lol), I'm getting old. I remember when I used to be able to stay awake until well past 1 a.m.

On top of it all, I'm going to try something different this week. I'm going to go to the gym everyday, rather than eating lunch for a bit, which means I've got to lug clothes to the gym. Yuck! But then again it might be better than what I have been doing and maybe I'll see the pounds start slipping away again. Or maybe I'll just be dead on my feet by 5:30 every day. Who knows?

All I know is that every year when we are subjecting to the springing forward of the clocks I take longer and longer to adjust to it. This year seems worse then ever. Maybe it's because I have more stuff to do after work. Maybe its because there's so much I want to do with my time and I just don't have the time to do it.

It's making me terribly cranky too. And a cranky me, isn't exactly the most fun person to be around, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Hopefully Friday night I can sleep for a blissful 9 - 10 hours and get all this springing forward out of my system, because Sunday is Palm Sunday and I will have to be in church and that means being awake, or partially so at an early hour.

If not, I can't begin to fathom what a miserable excuse for a human I'll be. Then again, maybe I can. Just take me now and multiply it by 2000.

ARGH!